


My Heart Soars and Beats

by TerraCody



Series: The Night Before the Decisive Battle [10]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions/Golden Deer Joint Route, First Time, Headcanon, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27175045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraCody/pseuds/TerraCody
Summary: Sequel to It Shines So Sometimes. Ignatz had always seen love with overwhelming purity. The love he felt for his family was pure. The love he had for the Goddess was pure. He had thought that the love he felt for Petra was pure but it was not. Not entirely so. And knowing this filled him with guilt and shame.But Petra truly doesn’t mind at all.
Relationships: Petra Macneary/Ignatz Victor
Series: The Night Before the Decisive Battle [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841431
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Fire Emblem: Three Houses and its characters are the property of Intelligent Systems, Koei Tecmo, and Nintendo. As you can see this is a sequel to my previous Ignatz/Petra story, after dropping so many hints about them across different stories in this series. I know I said enough about why I love this pairing in the other story that I won’t repeat myself, but I do love this pairing and I love them as individual characters. :)
> 
> I do kind of feel like I unintentionally made Hubert the villain of It Shines So Sometimes. When I played Crimson Flower and saw his Supports with Petra, I had this feeling from the beginning that he was genuinely fond of her as a person. But I also got the impression that because Hubert’s love and loyalty to Edelgard defined him so much as a person, that he may have taken any feelings felt towards anyone BUT Edelgard as a personal “betrayal” towards Edelgard. Thus why Hubert seemed to alternate between kindness and threats towards Petra in their Supports. Well regardless, I prefer Petra with Ignatz and since I prefer Azure Moon the most Hubert unfortunately has a doomed fate in my fanfic universe.
> 
> But I digress. I hope you enjoy this story.

_31st of the Harpspring Moon, Imperial Year 1186_

It had been years since he’d seen a celebration so lively and happy, and Ignatz Victor couldn’t help but smile and laugh along with everyone else. It had been a difficult day, and admittedly he had an odd sense of accomplishment for his part in liberating Fhirdiad from tyranny and restoring Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd to his rightful seat as king. Even though he wasn’t a citizen of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, for once he felt like the knight that his parents wanted him to be.

He tentatively took a sip of champagne, and though he winced at the slight burn of the alcohol in his mouth it did have a pleasant and cool flavor. He quickly glanced around the Great Hall of House Blaiddyd’s castle. There was a long buffet table to the south filled with food that both nobles and commoners alike were filling their plates from. Tables dotted around the room where people were seated eating, and in the center of the room people were happily dancing to music minstrels were playing. Ignatz was amazed that the castle servants and the citizens of Fhirdiad had assembled so quickly to throw such a festive party for the return of their king, but he knew that it was a sign of how happy everyone was that Dimitri was alive and back.

_There seems to be a sense from everyone that everything will be okay now. I hope so as well._

He glanced around the room and easily saw the former Golden Deer. Raphael Kirsten was sloppily and loudly eating from a plate full of meat. Seated at the same table he saw Lysithea von Ordelia eating from a pile of pastries, also just as noisily (which did make Ignatz laugh). Lorenz Hellman Gloucester was standing near the open double door speaking to Ferdinand von Aegir; both nobles looking incredibly pleased with themselves whilst also drinking champagne. Across the room he saw Leonie Pinelli and Marianne von Edmund standing away from the dancing and the buffet table talking. Or rather, Leonie was talking rather amiably, pausing to drink from her glass of champagne every now and then, and Marianne was nodding to whatever she was saying. She didn’t have a glass with her though.

_We seem to be doing better. But I wish that Claude and Hilda could be here. I haven’t seen either of them since the battle at Gronder Field..._

He was about to join Raphael and Lysithea when he saw Dimitri and Professor Byleth quickly enter the Great Hall. Ignatz saw by their body language that they were tense, and his heart leapt into his throat. Leonie also saw them arrive and quickly ran over to them. Ignatz saw the other Blue Lions also reacting to their arrival, and Dedue Molinaro and Felix Hugo Fraldarius also hurried over to them.

_I...Is something wrong?_

Before he could further react, a hand gently caught his shoulder. He turned to face the person and his throat immediately went dry.

”Hello, Ignatz.” Petra Macneary was smiling and radiant, still in her Dancer’s outfit. “Would you have dance with me?”

Ignatz swallowed hard, choking slightly due to the dryness in his throat. He took another sip of champagne to ease the tension inside him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers. “You...You want to dance with me?”

”Of course,” she responded. “I have strong desire for you. With dancing.”

Her speech patterns with the common tongue of Fódlan had improved since their Academy Days, however the way she spoke made him flush with her unintentional insinuations. Ignatz coughed again and rubbed at his nape awkwardly. “A-Ah, I...” he finally looked away from her. “I’m not good at dancing. Even when we were students I was just a wallflower at the Ball.”

”Then you have great luck to be paired with me,” Petra said. She took his free hand gently. “Please, Ignatz.”

”A-All right,” he conceded, nodding. He looked around to set down his glass, and thankfully a servant carrying a tray of empty glasses walked past them. He gave it to them with a quick, “Thanks,” and then turned back to Petra. “I apologize in advance for embarrassing you.”

”You could never give me embarrassment,” Petra responded. She held onto his hand and began leading him towards the center of the room where others were dancing. Ignatz felt his heartbeat in his throat as he followed her. But he was also unbelievably happy. _She...She really wants to dance with me? Me?_

”Ignatz!”

His head snapped up as he saw Leonie running towards them, waving her hand. Petra stopped abruptly, and Ignatz bumped into her slightly. “Leonie,” he said, releasing Petra’s hand. He saw the alarm in her face. “What’s wrong?” He looked back towards the Professor and Dimitri. Deduce was still standing by his side but Felix had hurried off and was now speaking to Sylvain Jose Gautier and Ingrid Brandi Galatea. All three of them wore grim expressions. Both Lorenz and Ferdinand had made their way towards the Professor, and Ignatz saw her speak to them. Whatever she said made Lorenz visibly recoil in shock.

_W-What’s going on?!_

Leonie’s voice drew his attention again, and he got his answers.

”Claude’s in trouble.”

* * *

Ignatz could hear the cheering and the general merriment in the streets of Fhirdiad from the balcony rail. He leaned his elbows against it and clasped his hands together in front of him, absently staring off into the horizon of the city. But he no longer felt the joy of their victory today.

 _The Empire is invading the Leicester Alliance. They’re expected to arrive in Derdriu on the 30th of the Garland Moon. My home country needs our help. Claude needs our_ help...

Ignatz closed his eyes and ducked his head. _We have to help them. The Leicester Alliance is my home, even though I joined the Army of the Kingdom of Faerghus. But—But can I truly face Claude after what I did?_

”Ignatz?”

He opened his eyes at the soft voice, and his heart lurched inside his chest. He glanced over his shoulder but couldn’t manage to force a smile. “O-Oh, hello again Petra. I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly.”

”You have no apologies,” Petra said, moving to stand beside him at the stone rail. “Leonie gave, ah, startled news. I was not surprised you had no mood for dancing after that.”

”I can imagine the others who were part of Golden Deer were also not happy with the news about the invasion. I’m worried about my family being caught up in this, but in the recent letter from my parents they didn’t say anything about being in Derdriu.”

”We will save everyone,” Petra said. “Dimitri and the Professor want to save the Alliance. I have great faith in them.”

Ignatz was able to smile then. “Your confidence in them is awe-inspiring.”

Petra shrugged. “Do you remember the—ah, concern that Lady Edelgard and Hubert thought that I had departed the Black Eagles to form allegiance with the Kingdom? I had told Dimitri and the Professor about it, and they had met with L—Edelgard and Hubert to, ah, assure them that this wasn’t the case.”

”I remember that,” Ignatz said wistfully, looking skyward. “It feels like it happened a hundred years ago.”

”It was five years ago,” Petra said.

”I know. But I’m glad that Dimitri and the Professor spoke on your behalf for why you left your House. I...” he sighed shortly and rubbed at his nape awkwardly. “I wonder then if I should ask them to speak for me to Claude. Or if that would be cowardly, and I should just muster up the courage to speak to him myself.”

”You have desire to speak to Claude?” Petra asked him, looking at him closely. “May I ask why? And why you call yourself a coward?”

“What I meant was that I...I was hoping for an opportunity to apologize to Claude.”

”Apologize?” Petra sounded confused. “What apologies does Claude need from you?”

”F—For how I left Golden Deer.” Ignatz ducked his head to hide his embarrassment. “I-I wasn’t dissatisfied in that House. I liked Claude, and my best friend was in that House. But...” He frowned deeply and closed his eyes. “I was very upset and made an impulsive decision.”

”Impulsive?”

”Ah...” Ignatz hugged his arms. “W...Would you promise not to tell this to anyone? I’m very embarrassed about this.”

”I see. You are giving me a secret, then?” Ignatz felt her move closer to him. “You have my silence.”

”Thank you.” Ignatz opened his eyes. “I left...because of Lysithea.”

”Lysithea?”

Ignatz nodded. “I did everything I could to be her friend, but I felt that she wasn’t interested in my friendship. She took every gesture of friendship I made towards her as a personal attack upon her.”

_”Ignatz, are you really lecturing me about how I conduct myself right now? You're a sheepish, unreliable scatterbrain who can only ever think about what others think of him! ”_

”I spoke to her as kindly as I could, and she just seem to give me nothing but contempt. I-I...I didn’t know how to communicate with her, and she began to seriously hurt my feelings. I-I wanted to speak to Claude or Professor Hanneman about it, but then I saw how much they both doted upon Lysithea, and I...I didn’t that they would believe me if I tried to talk to them. I-I thought that they would blame _me_ for not being able to handle her, since I am older than her. But I think I just afraid they were look down upon me for this.”

“I see,” Petra said softly. “Lysithea was—ah—is the term ‘bully’?”

”Yes. That’s how it felt like to me. Then one day...she pushed me to my breaking point.”

_”I see. So now it's my fault? No matter how grown you seem to think you are, there's so much you're incapable of. You can play at being a mature adult, but it only ever complicates things. And that's exactly what makes you look like a child.”_

_”Oh, enough already! Would you just leave me alone?!”_

”When I ran away from her, I was so angry and frustrated. I wasn’t paying attention and I—I ran straight into Professor Byleth. When she asked me if I was okay, I just...” Ignatz shook his head. “I just started crying and begging to join her class. I didn’t tell her what was wrong, but in that moment I was so unhappy that I felt like throwing up. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore A-And the Professor, she—she was so _happy_ that I wanted to join the Blue Lions. The way she smiled, and the enthusiasm in her voice when she spoke to me. It made me feel better in an instant.

”But I feel bad about how that turned out because there _were_ other options for me. I could have spoke to Claude or Professor Hanneman to see if they could help mediate the situation, because whether it was my demeanor, my appearance, my words—Lysithea had issue with _everything_ about me. And since I couldn’t resolve this on my own I _needed_ to get help with this, but instead I just ran away from the problem. I went and hid in a different House so that she wouldn’t have to look at me or talk to me.” He laughed softly. “You could probably imagine the stress I felt when Lysithea ended up joining the Blue Lions later!”

He ducked his head again. “This...I sound so foolish, don’t I? A seventeen-year-old boy unable to stand up to a fifteen-year-old girl? That being the reason I joined the Blue Lions? Please, just don’t tell anyone this. I know that this must have...affected your opinion of me, but I...”

A hand slid across his shoulder blades as an arm wrapped around his back. Ignatz opened his eyes as he felt Petra rest her head on his shoulder. “Ah...Petra?”

”I am sorry that you faced such...hardships,” she said quietly. “It was...ah, unfair that you had treatment like that.”

His body relaxed briefly from her slight embrace, but when he exhaled involuntarily he caught her scent and was immediately on edge again. She didn’t smell sweet, but... _spicy_. It was intoxicating, but he quickly turned his head away from her. ”I-It wasn’t a hardship,” Ignatz tried to reassure her. “Lysithea unfortunately had her own hardships and I feel that she took her anger out on me. I wasn’t the only one who was treated like that by her.”

”It was hardship because you had that treatment from someone you wanted as a friend.” She squeezed him gently to her. “You did not deserve such awful feelings, Ignatz.”

”Well...” Ignatz sighed softly. “It’s embarrassing to admit that I joined the Blue Lions because I was running away from someone...”

”What embarrassment? I did the same.”

Ignatz looked at her in shock, but he couldn’t see her face from the position of her head on his shoulder. “...Petra?” He said quietly.

”I am a proud Brigid warrior, but I too joined the Blue Lions because—ah, a person I did not want to face of.”

Ignatz felt a cold sweat break out on his brow. “...Someone made you want to leave the Black Eagles,” he said quietly. “Was it Edelgard? Or—”

_”You should be quite careful. One might think that your **foolish** move out of the Black Eagles House and into the Blue Lions House is an underhanded tactic to try and win an alliance with Faerghus.”_

The words from years ago abruptly hum in his ears and he glanced at her again. “ _Hubert_.” He spoke the name in a whisper, almost afraid that saying it too loudly would summon Hubert von Vestra all the way there. “It was Hubert, wasn’t it? H-He...I remembered that he threatened you in front of me. Raphael and I escorted you to class after that until they...” he let his voice trail off.

Petra slowly withdrew her arm from him, but she didn’t move away. She leaned her elbows on the stone rail, and Ignatz’s throat tightened when he saw the pain in her face. She slowly closed her eyes. “I...had fondness for him.”

He gaped at her in horror. “P-Petra, you—you _liked_ Hubert?!”

“I was...ah, not in comfort in the Empire. I was a hostage, and I felt looks of hate when people looked at me. They saw me as a savage. La—Edelgard, she had a...kind way of speaking to me. But I-I could not forget my...position with her. She acted as my friend, but I was only her friend because I was her prisoner. Hubert, he...” she let a shaky, sad breath. “He used kind words, a kind, ah, tone when he spoke to me. When I conversed with him I felt as his equal. It was comfortable talking to him. It was—refreshing, to have such treatment. But...” she closed her eyes. “I thought he had kindness but he also had cruelty. It would be one moment when he looked at me as an ally, spoke to me as an ally—but then the other moment he had hard eyes, and he put me beneath him with his words. H—” she hugged her arms. “Before I left the Black Eagles...I spoke of my goals as queen. I had said that I wanted to make good relations with the Empire, but he—ah, he seemed to take my words of my goals as a...threat.”

”A threat? How so?”

”I...only desired to share my dream with him. But Hubert casted down my dream by, ah, putting me beneath Edelgard. It felt like he thought that I insult Edelgard by talking about _my_ goal. I was upset that he, ah, twist my words into a threat on Edelgard. My words were powered by anger, and I told him that I would not lose. I believe that he—that Hubert may have thought my anger was my, ah, intent. When my thoughts believed that Hubert thought that I threatened Edelgard, I-I ran away. The Professor offered me joining, and so I did.”

Ignatz shook his head and put his hand on her shoulder. “Petra, that isn’t something to be ashamed of! You were well within your rights to be afraid of Hubert! I-I mean, remember how he threatened you after you left? And he did so in front of me! This is someone who, if the rumors are to be believed, killed his own father for Edelgard! I’m just so sorry that something that you—liked.” Saying he word proved to be more difficult than before. “Made you feel so unsafe.”

Petra shook her head and she looked at Ignatz. “I wished my, ah, relations did not end so badly with Edelgard and Hubert. But I am filled with gladness that I joined the Blue Lions.” She smiled. “I feel companionship and safeness with everyone. And I feel free to love and care for many friends.”

The moon came out from behind the clouds in that moment. The moonlight seemed to give Petra a luminous light as though to complement the light in her heart. Her complexion glowed in a silver hue, and her eyes shined. It was a picturesque moment that was one of the most beautiful things Ignatz had ever seen.

”I love you.”

He didn’t realize that he had actually said the words out loud until the smile abruptly fell from Petra’s face and her eyes went wide. Ignatz immediately felt embarrassed; his face felt hot and felt like the ground caved in beneath him. For just a brief moment, he could imagine the earth swallowing him up, and the dark abyss was so welcoming in that moment.

”What did you say?”

Petra’s quiet question snapped him back into his own body, and he realized that the ground didn’t swallow him. He was still in Dimitri’s castle, standing in front of Petra. She had straightened her posture, her shoulders squared, and her eyes...they looked misty. _Oh no. Have I made her upset? ...What kind of a stupid question is that, of COURSE I made her upset! I just blurted out a love confession to her!_

Ignatz swallowed hard and frowned deeply for a moment. _It’s too late. I’ve already said it. The only thing I can do now is move forward, and await her response to me._

”I...love you, Petra.” Because he consciously formed the words this time, it was a little more difficult to say. He forced himself to meet her gaze. “I-I’ve actually liked you for a really long time now. You’re a good friend friend, someone I can trust with my life. I-I...” he gestured with his hand awkwardly. “When I thought I offended you all those years ago. I felt so horrible about it and it was something that weighed heavily on my mind. I kept thinking about how I felt I hurt you, and then when—before we reunited here at Garreg Mach, I thought I would never get the opportunity to apologize to you for what I did. I-I was so... _scared_ that I wouldn’t see you again.” He ducked this head then and hugged his arms again. “I began thinking about how much I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologize but I just wanted— _be_ with you, Petra. I d-don’t know when it exactly happened but I fell in love with you.” He quickly shook his head. “I-I’m sorry for burdening you with this. I—”

Petra kissed him. Ignatz had been rambling, embarrassed and almost hysterical, and he hadn’t noticed her close the distance between them. He hadn’t felt her hand cup his cheek or sense her presence until she pressed her lips against his. Ignatz’s eyes went wide and he pulled away from her in shock, breaking the kiss. “W—Petra?!”

Petra looked surprised by his response. “You give me rejection when you give your love for me?”

“I-I’m sorry,” he said lamely, raising his hands slightly. “I wasn’t expecting a kiss from you.” He stiffened, and he gaped at her. “W...Wait. You just kissed me after I confessed my feelings for you. Does that mean...?” He let his voice trail off.

Petra smiled again, and he felt his heart skip a beat. She cupped his cheek again with her palm. “I have great honor for your love Ignatz, because I have love for you too.”

Ignatz gasped loudly, and he felt tears sting his eyes as he reached up to press his hand over hers. “Y...You love me?”

”I would not speak so or kiss you so if I did not.” Petra leaned back in and kissed him again. It was still a soft kiss, their lips pressed together, but Ignatz’s knees felt weak. He grabbed her and pulled her close, his breathing coming out loud and harsh through his nose. His heart was pounding so hard that he was certain it would burst through his chest. _She loves me! This beautiful woman loves me!_

They stood there for a long time holding each other, lips unmoving but hearts pounding as the city continued to celebrate Dimitri’s return. Neither wanted to move away from the other. Ignatz could feel the world fading away again, but it was a lot more pleasant than before. When the kiss finally ended, they didn’t want to move away from each other.

”I have felt great love for you for a long time,” Petra confessed quietly, resting her forehead against his. “I have...difficulty expressing myself, and I could not, ah, read what you felt for me. I remember the drawings of your—ah, fantasy partner. She is very beautiful.”

Ignatz flinched, and he felt his heart lurch in his chest and he grabbed her shoulders. “This is different. T...That was just an infatuation, Petra. What I feel for you is real.”

He said it feelingly because he believed in it. He wasn’t going to deny his fascination or admiration of the Goddess Sothis, and he had drawn her as his “fantasy woman”. Claude had even teased about stealing Her from Ignatz if they goddess ever appeared before them looking as She had in the sketches Ignatz had drawn of her.

But Petra wasn’t a fantasy. She wasn’t a goddess, but a flesh and blood woman. She was a comrade he could trust, and thought of so often. He didn’t have a many sketches of Petra as he did of his ideal image of Sothis, but his sketches of Petra were based on seeing her in person. Not a fantasy.

_They are both real, and I feel strongly for them both, but my feelings for Petra are...different._

“Relax,” Petra reassured him, cutting through his thoughts with her calming tone. It put him at ease. “I have trust with you with my life, so I know I can trust you with my feelings.”

”You can,” he answered quickly. “You can trust me, Petra. I-I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone before, but I’ll do my best to make you happy. But I-I apologize in advance if I make any mistakes along the way.”

”You have no worries. I too have not had a lover.” Ignatz blushed hard upon hearing that but Petra continued unabashed. “But we shall learn together how to make each other happy. What would make you happy, Ignatz?”

Ignatz sputtered, his thoughts racing as he tried to find the right words to say. But again, his words were impulsive as he blurted out, “Dancing?”

Petra laughed softly, but it wasn’t a mocking tone. Her hand slid down his arm to take his hand, and Ignatz shivered involuntarily. “Then dancing I shall give you. Shall we tell the others about us?”

”In due time,” Ignatz offered. “I’m incredibly happy right now, but in between Dimitri reclaiming his throne and the news about Claude, I don’t want to overwhelm everyone right now.”

”You have great seriousness for this.”

”Of course I’m serious. Something like falling in love is serious. I hope that this doesn’t bother you.”

Petra shook her head. “It has no bother for me. We do not need to share until we are both ready.”

Ignatz nodded. “Thank you, Petra.”

”Now, come and dance with me while we have the great mood.” Petra pulled him back towards the Great Hall. Ignatz laughed softly and couldn’t stop smiling. _I’m so happy that I feel breathless. I never knew that falling in love could feel so...complete._

* * *

_29th of the Verdant Rain Moon_

The letter from his parents had arrived yesterday. Ignatz read it for the umpteenth time before calmly folded the letter and slipped it back into its envelope. Then he stared at the small velvet-crushed bag that had come with the letter. The bag was smaller than the palm of his hand, and he knew from the contents of the letter what was in the bag. He swallowed hard and carefully untied the bag. When he turned it over and gently shook it, a ring fell out into his palm.

_”’We were very happy to hear about your new relationship in the last letter, Ignatz. Petra is a beautiful name. We’re not giving this to you to rush you, but if she is your comrade and you are certain of your feelings for her, then we felt that you should have the heirloom now so that once you feel ready for marriage you will not be empty-handed’.”_

Ignatz smiled as he stared down at the ring in his palm and he picked it up between two fingers. It was his grandmother’s engagement ring, worn by his mother’s mother. _My parents didn’t ask about Petra’s position. They must not know that she is the Princess of Brigid._

The smile faded, and he ducked his head slightly as he frowned. _I’m glad that they’re happy about my relationship, but...but if they knew the truth about me, then w—would they still feel the same?_

Ignatz scrubbed a hand over his face and leaned forward a little too forcefully against his desk. The small shelves rattled, the ink well almost toppled over as the feather pen out of it, and one of his sketchbooks tipped over directly in front of him. It flipped open to a random page, but the drawing on the page cause the familiar, uncomfortable pulse to return and vibrate from his core. It was rough sketch of Petra, one had had been avoiding looking at. She was sitting in the sketch with her back to him. She held her hair up with both hands, her face slightly turned towards him. She had been sitting on his bed when he made this sketch.

And with the exception of her thin skirt and strategically placed strands of hair, she was _nude_ in the sketch.

Ignatz shook his head and slammed the sketchbook shut. He rubbed his arms frantically. _Stop it, Ignatz! Stop it right now! You’re being inappropriate again!_

The knock at his door startled him, and he dropped the ring on his desk as he stood up. “W-Who is it?” He called out in a strained voice.

”Ignatz!” Raphael burst into his room wearing a wide smile. Ignatz felt a pang of relief at seeing his best friend, but he also felt sick about the relief. “Hurry, we have to go!”

”Go? Go where?”

”To the Cathedral, come on!” Raphael grabbed him by his arm. “I ran into the Professor at the Central Building, and she said Dimitri was going to do an open call for knighthood! He’s going to knight _anyone_ who asks him!”

Ignatz gasped and his eyes went wide. “R-Really?! Knighthood?!”

”Yeah! You wanted to be a knight or something, right?! Let’s hurry and get in line before more people find out!”

”R-Right!” Ignatz nodded and they took off running towards the Cathedral. They ran past people who murmured in confusion at their pace, but neither of them paused. As they reached the bridge towards the Cathedral Ignatz heard a ‘whoosh’ overhead and looked up. Ingrid was riding her pegasus Daphne and was flying straight towards the Cathedral.

_Looks like she’s going to be first._

As they climbed the steps into the Cathedral Ignatz saw the end of the line at the main doors. He was unsurprised to see Daphne land ahead of the line and Ingrid step forward. He didn’t see anyone protest her cutting of the line, though. “This ain’t too bad,” Raphael said. “I thought the line would be lo...” he trailed off as a loud clamoring sound rumbled behind them. Ignatz looked over his shoulder and gaped at the wave of people frantically running across the bridge and elbowing in position to get behind them. Even more people followed, and within moments Ignatz saw nothing but a massive line of people of all ages eager to be knighted by the Prince.

 _Ah...I guess we got here at a good time._

* * *

After some mishaps (and Balthus cutting the line) Ignatz was finally knighted at the same time as Caspar von Bergliez. Even though it was just a symbolic gesture Ignatz felt...changed by the experience.

_I have the knighthood that my family always wanted me to have. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled about it._

Caspar ran off for the Training Grounds after they both got knighthood, and Ignatz found himself standing in front of Petra’s door. It made sense, of course, that he should go to the woman he was in a relationship with and give her the good news that he had a knight’s title. But when he raised his hand to knock on the door, he couldn’t bring it forward. His hand trembled, and he closed his eyes to try to muster the courage to follow through with the knock.

But the moment his eyes closed, images of her beautiful, naked skin floated over his eyelids. Her scent, spicy and ethereal filled his nostrils. And he could taste her kiss—

 _NO!_ Ignatz shook his head furiously and jumped away from the door. He clutched his hand to his chest. _What is wrong with you, Ignatz?! Why do you persist in these depraved, perverse thoughts about the woman you love when you know it’s grossly inappropriate?!_

Ignite turned away from the door and quickly walked away towards the direction of the Dining Hall. He knew that he loved Petra and that she loved him back. They had confessed to each other and had entered into a relationship. They were discreet about it though, and because of how busy they were there had been few times where they could spend time together. Oftentimes they had no time other than to share a kiss, when they did have a free moment they spent it together. Ignatz had liked it. He liked holding hands with her and talking to her. He like watching her dance and liked it when she watched him paint and draw. Her frequent company by his side made him feel calm, and—well, _loved._ And he loved the time he spent with her.

_But something’s changed, and I can’t change it back._

Ignatz tried to clear his mind as he climbed the stairs and turned left into the Dining Hall. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the massive, winding line of people waiting for food. His mouth hung open in shock as he looked down the line. It crossed the entire length of the Dining Hall and spilled into the Entrance Hall. _W...What the—this might be longer than the line to get knighted!_

”Hey, Ignatz!” Raphael boomed out from the back of the Dining Hall. He stood up and waved his arm. “Over here!”

Ignatz hurried over to him and his brow rose when he saw five different meat dishes on the table in front of Raphael, along with two slices of the new cake everyone was talking about. “Did you get your knighthood?” Raphael asked him eagerly.

”A-Ah, yes I did,” Ignatz said, looking up at him. 

“All right, congratulations!” Raphael shouted, reaching across the table to slap him on the shoulder. “Come on, sit down! I saved a slice of that chocolate cake for you! I also got some Rabbit Skewers, Gronder Meat Skewers, Beast Meat—”

”I would be happy with some cake, thank you,” Ignatz gently interrupted, noting silently that all five dishes of meat had been partially eaten. The two slices of cake however were untouched and he sat down as Raphael slid one of the cake slices over to him. “It smells delicious,” he said positively.

”I know, right?!” Raphael plopped right back down into his seat and promptly shoved three Rabbit Skewers into his mouth. “I ‘onder were it cam from?”

“I thought I heard someone say the chocolate came from Almyra. I wonder if Claude had anything to do with it?” Ignatz wondered as he stared at the cake intently.

”That sounds like something Claude would do!” Raphael laughed after he swallowed his food. “It was great seeing him in Derdriu!”

Ignatz nodded in agreement. “I-I was able to talk to him and apologize for the way I departed Golden Deer. Funny thing is, he didn’t really seem to mind. He was glad I ended up in the Blue Lions.”

”Why would he be upset?” Raphael asked in confusion. He shoved a whole Beast steak into his mouth.

”W-Well in any case,” Ignatz stammered, quickly deflecting. “He had no issues with me and I was glad for it. While I wished he stayed and allied with us, a-at least we know that he’s alive.”

”Ah, Hilda won led him die,” Raphael agreed, his mouth full again.

”That’s true enough.” Ignatz picked up his spoon and scooped up some cake. “Well...if Claude sent us the chocolate then it must be good.”

”I god it plain,” Raphael continued. “Others god id with berries. Is thad okay?”

”Of course it is, Raphael. I appreciate you getting me a slice of cake.” Ignatz finally put the spoon in his mouth. He was shocked by how _sweet_ the cake was (though he wasn’t really surprised) and he couldn’t help but smile at the delicious flavor. “It’s _good_!” He exclaimed when he pulled the spoon out, though he winced when the chocolate stuck to the roof of his mouth. He licked at he chocolate, only to find his _tongue_ sticking as well. “Very rich, though. I might need something to drink.”

”Oh, I have Ginger Tea. Is that okay?” Raphael grabbed a nearby teapot. “I’ve been sharing it with others at the table, but I should have enough for one cup.”

“T-Thank you.” Ignatz was happy to accept the tea, though to his dismay it wasn’t very effective at clearing the sticky chocolate from his mouth. He licked his lips as he set his cup down. “You should try the cake too Raphael, but just so you know it will stick inside your mouth.”

”Oh, that’s okay!” Raphael cut his slice almost in half and shoved the large helping into his mouth. He chewed noisily for a few moments before his eyes brightened. “That—That is the BEST cake I’ve ever had!”

“I’m glad you like it.” Ignatz forced a smile as Raphael slurped his own cup of tea. He closed his eyes for a moment, because he could feel the heat rising to his face and his heart pounding once more. The sweet scent of the chocolate cake permeated the Dining Hall, but the scent of ginger lingered in his nostrils...and made him uneasy.

_This scent...it’s sweeter, but it had a tangy spiciness that almost reminds me of her..._

”Raphael?” He said suddenly, opening his eyes and looking up at his friend.

”Eh?” Raphael paused briefly in eating. “Whad is id?”

”H...” Ignatz looked away. “Have you ever been in love?!” He quickly blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

”’In love’?” Raphael echoed. He slowly swallowed his food and he seemed to be giving it a lot of thought. He finally said, “I think so.”

Ignatz gaped at him. “You...You _think so_?”

Raphael shrugged his massive shoulders. “I probably have been. I might be right now. I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I love my family and I love my friends. So I’m probably in love. Why?”

”Uh...” Ignatz stammered with his mouth hanging open. He was shocked by Raphael’s nonchalant answer. How could you not make a distinction between platonic love and romantic love?!

 _He...He’s probably not the best person to speak to about this, then._ ”I-It’s nothing, never mind,” Ignatz said aloud.

“Okay.” Raphael returned to his food. Ignatz ate more cake, but he mostly did it to give himself something to do. _Who could I talk to about this? Claude probably would’ve been the best option—as embarrassing as it is—but he’s not here. Who...Is there anyone else here that would know what I’m feel? How... **dirty** I am?_

”Huh?” Raphael looked up then. “Oh hey, isn’t that Petra?”

Ignatz’s head snapped around, and his eyes widened. Petra was indeed entering the Dining Hall from the gardens. She was craning her neck as she looked around the Dining Hall, and Ignatz immediately ducked in his seat. _No...Please not now!_

”I didn’t think she liked sweets!” Raphael said, oblivious to Ignatz’s behavior. “Ig—”

”I have to go!” Ignatz sputtered. He scrambled from his seat and took off running towards the doors to the Entrance Hall.

”He—Ignatz?!” Raphael shouted after him. His shout would no doubt get Petra’s attention but in the moment Ignatz didn’t care. He just needed to get away.

_I know I shouldn’t be doing this when we march on Enbarr tomorrow. I shouldn’t leave—this, unresolved. But I’m just a coward and I’m running away._

He cut through the gardens to get to the Stables. He couldn’t hear anyone chasing after him, which did fill him with relief, but the last thought that whispered over his mind that caused tears to sting his eyes.

_When she finds out about me...it will be the end of our relationship._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great, now I’ve unintentionally vilified Lysithea in this story, lol. Admittedly though, her Support chain with Ignatz had a negative impact on me. This combined with what I felt to be extremely poor handling on her part of Marianne’s depression in their Support chain honestly made me despise Lysithea as a character for awhile. Luckily she was able to redeem herself in my eyes with her character development and other Support chains that were excellent. Such as her Supports with Linhardt, Cyril, and Edelgard to name a few.


	2. Chapter Two

Lorrain was sitting in his stall resting. The horse’s steady mood helped Ignatz to calm down considerably, although he could still feel cold sweat on his brow.

“You look ready to march tomorrow,” Ignatz said, rubbing the side of his neck. “Don’t you worry about a thing. The Professor said I have the best accuracy, so I’ll make sure that nothing happens to either of us tomorrow.”

Lorrain snorted as though in response to him and Ignatz couldn’t help but laugh. He leaned against the stall’s doorframe. “Everything will be okay,” he said idly, but the moment the words left his mouth the overwhelming sick feeling returned. He folded his arms over his chest and ducked his head. “...I’m a terrible liar, aren’t I?” He asked quietly.

Nothing was okay because he was running away from his problems. He wasn’t... _dealing_ with his turmoil and thus was avoiding Petra because he didn’t want her to see him like this. _Tomorrow we march, and I’m avoiding the woman I love. I’m avoiding her because of these—these changes inside of me._

Yes...something _had_ changed. A week or so before they took Fort Merceus...no. Perhaps it had happened before then. But it was the week before last moon’s mission where Ignatz first noticed the— _change_ inside him. He noticed a very distinct change in his feelings for Petra. He had fallen in love with her spirit, her passion, her positive personality. She was pure and beautiful and he loved that about her. He had felt content with just talking to her, kissing her, hugging her, holding her hand. He thought that was all he needed.

But then that week happened. Their last free day before the moon’s major mission. That day when he realized the purity of his love for her was _tainted_.

Petra came to him and asked him to sketch her in his room. She had wanted to show off her Brigid tattoos to him, and had asked him to draw her displaying her tattoos, Ignatz had eagerly agreed. He thought nothing of her proposition at first because she had come to him wearing a large fur overcoat and not her usual outfit. He had sat down at his desk, sketchbook ready, and told her to get comfortable and get into the position she had desired.

Ignatz’s heartbeat accelerated as he remembered the moment she removed her coat, and he realized that she wore nothing but a thin pale pink skirt with slits up the sides to fully expose her thighs. He had gaped in shock as she nonchalantly covered her exposed breasts with strands of hair before she climbed into his bed to take a sitting pose. With her near nakedness he could see many more of her tattoos. “Do you see them all?” She asked casually over her shoulder. She didn’t even have a blush on her cheeks.

Ignatz had not been able to form words. He had never seen a naked woman before, and heat slowly rose in his body at seeing her in such a private and intimate setting. Petra for her part did not seem to notice his change in demeanor as she looked over herself. “Ah, please give me pardons. My hair covers the tattoo on my back. I shall change that.”

Then she scooped up her hair to hold it over her head, exposing the full length of her naked back to him. Her tattoo stretched across her upper back. Petra turned ever so slightly to him, looking at him over her shoulder. “You see now?”

Her skin looked soft and perfect, free of blemishes. He could see the line of her spine in the curve of her beautiful back. When she turned towards him, her right breast was almost fully visible except for the strands of hair that covered it. He couldn’t stop staring at her, and shame flushed over his body when he met her expectant gaze. “I-I-I-I see it,” he sputtered, and quickly went to work on his drawing.

Petra held the position for a long time when Ignatz sketched. She closed her eyes after a few moments but otherwise remained still. He swallowed repeatedly each time he glanced up to look at her. He knew that she was beautiful, but even with the thin skirt and the carefully placed strands of hair it was surreal to look at her naked body. He had been used to her Brigid warrior outfit, which had also left little to the imagination, but he had never given her body much thought up to this point. He had been attracted to her beauty, yes, but he had also been attracted to her personality and spirit. It had all been a complete package in terms of his feelings of love for her.

But now...seeing her sit on his bed, nearly naked and holding a pose for his benefit, perverse thoughts started whispering through Ignatz’s mind. Instead of gently admiring her beauty, instead he started thinking about touching her back. Kissing her mouth and neck. Cupping her breasts in his hands and squeezing them. Removing her skirt so that he could—

Ignatz felt _awful_ that he couldn’t suppress those desires the longer he looked at Petra. Each time he glanced up from his sketchbook to look at her, a new disgusting thought hummed in his ears. _Her skin looks so soft. I want to touch her. I like the curve in her back—would it make her feel good if I kissed it or ran my tongue along it? The fabric of her skirt is so thin; I can see all of her. Oh Goddess, I want to touch her and kiss her—_

“Ignatz?”

Ignatz had blinked, and realized that Petra had turned around to full face him. He looked down at his sketch of her and had been impressed by the progress he had made in such a short period of time on it—but then he realized that he had dropped his pencil on the floor. He stared at the tool lying on the floor for a long moment before heat flooded his face.

_I haven’t been drawing her for some time. I’ve just been staring at her, and didn’t pay attention._

He had been so ashamed of gawking at her like that and he couldn’t fully meet her gaze as he looked at her. “I-I-I’m sorry...” he was suddenly aware of how hot he felt in his clothes. The sweat that stuck to his nape. His accelerated heart rate and unsteady breathing. The tight heat in his lower body...He snapped the sketchbook shut and held it over his lap. “I’m sorry,” he repeated quietly.

Petra smiled at him then. “Shall I give a new pose then?”

Ignatz flinched when she suddenly stretched out laying on his bed. Facing him while partially laying on her back. When she shifted her body her skirt moved, revealing more to him. She casually repositioned strands of hair over her breasts, though he swallowed hard as he could see the full mounds quite clearly under the magenta strands. She tucked her left arm under her head and slowly stroked her right hand down her own bare side, her eyes on him. “Is this pose good?”

Ignatz’s breathing turned labored, loud in his ears. His mouth hung open as he looked down the length of her body. His glasses fogged from his heavily breaths, and he pressed his mouth shut to try to steady his breathing. It didn’t work and he flushed further in shame at the noise that rumbled in his throat. _Oh Goddess, she is so beautiful. B-But I have to stop this! She is posing for me as a model! We are in a relationship! I cannot be drooling over her like this, it’s not appropriate! She’s not a sexual object, but the woman I love!_

”Is this pose not good?” Petra asked, her casual tone filling the awkward silence in the room. She raised her right hand and gestured to him. “Come. Show me a good pose.”

Ignatz didn’t want to go to her because he was afraid of what he may do if he touched her. It was like a powerful craving, this _urge_ inside of him. He swallowed again, and slowly set his sketchbook on his desk. _I have to stop this. I have to be alone and clear my head. Remember the meaning of my love for her. Love is a pure feeling, and I know that my love for her is pure. These cravings—they’re not pure. I’ve never felt them before, and the power of these feelings truly frightens me. She needs to leave. I can’t..._

But despite his turmoil and the shameful feelings, he was unable to stop himself from standing up and joining Petra on the bed. He sat down beside her and reached for her— _I’m scared, these feelings are unclean and they scare me_ —gently touching her on the shoulder. He finally met her gaze, and his stomach twisted when he saw the unconditional trust and love in her eyes. She loved him and she trusted him with her body. And here she was, doing him a favor as his partner and he was overcome with carnal urges.

She didn’t stop him when he carefully brushed her hair away and over her back. He saw pink color her cheeks and he knew that her breast was exposed to him but he couldn’t bring himself to look down. She didn’t move to reset her hair. She held herself still as they continued to stare at each other in silence. Ignatz’s breathing was still loud in his ears as he finally looked down to look over her body again. He gasped softly when he saw her bare breast and he licked his lips self-consciously.

_I can’t do this. We’re not married, and my feelings for her are not perverse. They’re not **supposed** to be perverse!_

But when he looked back up at her face he suddenly leaned in and kissed her.

It was a kiss unlike the other kisses they had before. The kisses they had shared before had been gentle, sweet, soft caresses of their mouths. They had shared deep kisses but it had never felt like this. The kiss they shared in this moment was forceful, their tongue twined with a possessiveness that made Ignatz’s insides squirm, and the noises made as they sucked on each other’s mouths echoed in the room. Petra wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled Ignatz down so that he was laying partially on top of her. The heat continue to built in his body the longer they kissed. The taste of her kiss was sweet and spicy. Her body wasn’t entirely soft, but her skin felt good under his hands.

_Oh Goddess, I think I’m drowning. She feels so good and smells so good. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t stop myself. Oh Goddess please help me, I want more..._

Petra suddenly broke the kiss and arched her head back against his pillow. She moaned and arched her body against his, and Ignatz choked as he realized how aroused he had become. Her reaction to him was both beautiful and erotic. He had never seen anything like it. Unable to help himself he leaned down and kissed underneath her chin and she moaned again. He wanted to reach up and touch her face, but his hands felt— _full_. He looked down to where his hands were, and he saw that he was groping both of her breasts, squeezing them rhythmically without even noticing that he had been doing so.

In an instant shame had flooded his body at his own inappropriate behavior. Ignatz cried out and jumped away from her and off the bed, gripping his hands so tight that it caused him pain. “I’m sorry!” He wheezed, unable to bring himself to look at her. “I am so, so sorry!”

_You disgusting, perverted beast! That was wrong, so wrong! How could you do something like that to her?! How could you grope the woman you loved like a depraved lecher?!_

Ignatz hadn’t been able to bring himself to look at Petra’s face, and he turned his back on her as she sat up in bed. “Are you well, Ignatz?” She had asked him quietly.

Ignatz shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He was gripping his hands so hard that his arms were shaking. “Please forgive me,” he responded. “I—I think it would be best if you left.”

”...I see,” she had responded. He had heard her climb out of his bed. He had felt her presence behind him, but he flinched away from her when she reached for him. He was frightened, so _frightened_ of himself. He didn’t know what would happen if she touched him again. If he would lose control of himself like that again if she touched him again.

In the present Ignatz shuddered at the memory of that day and looked to Lorrain again. “I’ve been avoiding her,” he confessed to his horse. “I’m terrified of my feelings because I’ve come to realize how little control I really have. I...I’ve _tainted_ the love I feel for her, and I don’t know how to fix it.” His throat burned as tears stung his eyes and he closed his eyes again.

He couldn’t bring himself to be alone with Petra, or to kiss her or touch her. Even after she left he could smell her scent on his pillow and blankets. It lingered for a day afterwards, and he could still smell her days afterwards. It was embarrassing whenever he inhaled, and could suddenly smell her. Her residual scent caused his thoughts to be more twisted as his desire mounted.

Thankfully with the missions they had there was very little time to have moments alone with her, but it was still difficult. He could sense the hurt she felt from his rejection, but he was terrified of what her reaction would be if she knew the truth about him. About how his love—his pure and innocent love for the Princess of Brigid—had been corrupted by _lust_.

_She is not my wife, and she is not a sexual object. She is a woman deserving of care and respect. She deserves to be loved as the wonderful person that she is. Oh, why have my feelings changed so much? I was happy when my love for her stayed pure! When I was just content with her presence and her kisses! But I want to make love to her so badly, and this desire has completely overshadowed the purity of my love for her!_

Ignatz slowly opened his eyes. Love _was_ a pure emotion. He knew this. He loved his parents and he loved the Goddess. Those were pure emotions of love. But his love for Petra was no longer pure. It had been twisted into perverted lust, and she deserved better than someone whose every thought of pure love had been _twisted_ into sexual desire.

He closed the distance between Lorrain and him and he took off his glasses. He hugged his horse around the neck. “What can I do?” He mumbled softly. “W...We hadn’t had time to tell anyone that we were in a relationship. And if I ask someone for advice on this then they will know the truth of how awful I am. What can I do, Lorrain?”

His horse understandably didn’t have an answer for him. But Ignatz didn’t have an answer for himself.

* * *

Because he didn’t know who he should talk to about this (and he didn’t want to face Petra) Ignatz decided that the best course of action was to just return to his room and go to bed early. He felt sick in his heart over everything, but he resolved himself to get a full night’s sleep so that he was ready for the siege tomorrow.

_I have to clear my mind and focus on the battle ahead. If I’m distracted by thoughts of how awful of a person I am, I’ll end up dead._

He approached the First Floor Dormitories from the Greenhouse and not from the Classroom gardens. Ignatz knew that it would be a detour, but thankfully the sun had set and though Garreg Mach was lit with torches outside he couldn’t make out familiar faces in the darkness. _It’s better this way._

Ignatz finished climbing the stairs to the landing that connected the stairs between the Dining Hall and the Greenhouse, when he heard a creaking noise above him. He stopped in his tracks and looked up to see the scaffolding that had lined the Dormitories since their return to Garreg Mach. Before he could react he heard a ‘whoosh’, and he cried out and jumped back as Petra jumped from the scaffolding and landed on her feet directly in front of him. His heart leapt into his heart as she stood up straight and faced him while squaring her shoulders. Despite the darkness around them he could see the irritation and anger in her expression.

”My patience is gone, Ignatz,” she told him darkly. He saw her hands clenching into fists at her sides. “If your love has died, speak it. Not speaking to me is cowardly.”

Ignatz felt his heart lurch at the anger and pain in her voice. _Sh...She thinks I don’t love her anymore?_

”Speak now,” she pressed, taking a step towards him. “Are you not mine, and I not yours? Do you not have love for me? You take running from me— _why_?!” Her voice wasn’t raised, but when she sucked in a breath it was shaky. It sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

_Oh...Oh no. I knew that she was upset by my avoiding her, but I’ve hurt her worse than I intended. How could I do this to the woman I loved?! But...But I’m just going to hurt her more if I tell her what’s going on with me!_

”Look at me!” Petra snapped, rounding upon him. Ignatz flinched at her close proximity. “Put your eyes on my face and speak, Ignatz!”

Ignatz was so ashamed of himself that he didn’t want to meet her gaze, but he was unable to help himself. He finally looked up and he saw that her eyes were shining. She wasn’t crying, but she was close. “I...” he swallowed thickly, the sounding rumbling in his ears. “I’m sorry—”

”Give me no apologies,” she interrupted him. “Give me explanation! Why have you run from me?! Why do you not—ah, give attention to me? We have relationship, do we not?! I will not go to battle tomorrow until we share words!”

Her anger and pain frightened him, but to Ignatz’s shame his body pulsed at seeing the passion in her face. He shook his head violently and scrubbed his hands over his face, knocking his glasses off. “Do—” Petra began.

”I’m _unclean_ , okay?!” Ignatz cried out, holding his hands over his eyes. “I-I was avoiding you because I’m disgusting!”

“‘Disgusting’?” Petra echoed, her tone turning soft. Ignatz heard her lean down and pick up his glasses. “Y—Your body is dirty? Did you...” she gasped softly. “Did you share your body with another?”

”No!” Ignatz cried out, aghast. He lowered his hands. “I wouldn’t _ever_ chea—” his vision suddenly spun and he groaned softly as he swayed on his feet. Petra quickly moved and slipped the glasses back on his face. “Thank you,” he said uneasily.

“No thanks,” Petra told him. “Speak now. Tell me all. If you have not bedded another, why are you unclean?”

Ignatz squeezed his eyes shut again. He didn’t want to tell her; he didn’t want to expose his perversion to her. He knew that sharing his uncleanliness with her would just taint her. It would taint the love they had for each other.

_But...But she believes I don’t love her. She thinks that I was unfaithful to her. I—If I tell her the truth, then she will know how dirty I am._

_...But it couldn’t **possibly** be worse than having her think that I didn’t love her, or that I cheated on her._

Ignatz swallowed again, and kept his eyes closed as he finally formed the words. “...I love you.”

”If you have love, then why act this way?” Petra asked him. “Why speak of yourself that way?”

”My body is not unclean. It...It’s my _mind_.” Ignatz felt tears stinging behind his eyelids and he frowned deeply as his body began to shake. “My mind has tainted my love for you. I-I used to be able to look at you and admire you as a person. For your beauty, your perseverance, just... _everything_. B-But I can’t anymore. I...” he tucked into himself. His voice was low, but he knew that Petra could hear him. “I h-have these— _urges_. My body responds to you. It has grown into a need, a craving for your body. This desire has become incredibly overwhelming. It has overshadowed my thoughts about you. My emotions for you. I look at you and my body...” he flushed with shame. “I-I used to be content with just having you by my side. Your presence was enough to satisfy me, to make me happy. I-I could kiss you, and everything would be right with the world. I...

”But it—it isn’t enough. T-That time, when you modeled for me and I touched you inappropriately. I, ah, acted like I didn’t mean it. I _did_ mean it though, and I wanted more. I...I realized that I didn’t want to ever stop touching you. Every—Every time I saw you afterwards, I couldn’t expel these _thoughts_ that I wanted to just _grab_ you and make love to you. I-I could no longer think of you and remember the purity of our feelings for each other. I c-cannot stop these sexual, deviant urges. I don’t want to be around you or k-kiss you, because those parts of our relationship that used to make me feel content no longer comfort me. I want...I want _more_ from you, Petra. And i-it’s scary and awful to objectify you like that because we are not married, and we have been acting properly up to now. And I’m t-trying to act properly, but these thoughts and feelings just overwhelm me! I can’t ignore them anymore!”

His breathing was ragged as he finished his confession, and he pressed his hands over his face again. He didn’t knock his glasses off this time, though. _I’m awful. I’m so awful. I can’t believe I allowed myself to twist my love for her like this! That I could bring ruin to our relationship like this!_

”...Let me have understanding,” Petra said finally. Her tone sounded—incredulous? “You run from me, and your eyes will not watch me, because you desire to bed me at all times?”

Ignatz slowly nodded. He felt the tears slip out of his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you in this position...”

” _You are foolish_!” Petra snapped. Ignatz’s head snapped up at her renewed anger. His vision was blurred by his tears though so he couldn’t fully see her expression. “You almost killed our relationship over a natural desire?!”

”’Natural’?” Ignatz echoed iin confusion. He shook his head. “Petra, no. It’s not natural. I-I—My feelings have not always been like this!”

”It _is_ natural,” Petra shot back at him. “You give me love as I am a person. That is how your love started. Now you give me love for sexual desire. Loving my body is natural of a relationship when you love all have me! You have nothing wrong with you!”

”B-But you don’t know the depths of how _bad_ these thoughts of mine are!” Ignatz protested, waving his hand for emphasis.

Petra moved closer then, and Ignatz was unable to look away from her gaze. “Speak your bad thoughts. I shall give you mine as well.”

Ignatz’s eyes went wide and he gaped her in shock. “Y...You...?”

”You think your thoughts bad, unworthy of me. You think my thoughts of you are so soft?”

”W...What?”

She raised her chin defiantly, holding her gaze. “I tell you that your desires for me are natural because _I_ desire you the same way.”

”Y-You...” Ignatz couldn’t believe his ears. His body abruptly filled with both shame and...delight.

”Do you think I bare my body to you just so you can draw me? I had worn my usual clothes if that was my desire. But it was—ah, excuse.” She gestured to herself. “I came to you that day because my desire for you.”

Ignatz felt his jaw drop and several sputtering noises spilled out before he could form words. “Y...Petra? Y-Your intentions that day were to _bed me_?!”

Petra nodded unapologetically. “Why else would I come to you in just a skirt?”

”I...” Ignatz swallowed again, his throat suddenly feeling dry. “I—”

BANG! BANG! BANG! “Open the door, Bernadetta!” Both of them jumped at the shout that came from behind Petra. Ignatz shook his head and pressed forward. “I-It was not my intention to offend you, or to make you think I was no longer in love with you,” he said softly. “B-But we’re not married, Petra. You’re the future Queen of your country, a-and I...” he shook his head again. “I’m...flattered that you have desires for me. But I...”

”Our desires are the same,” Petra interrupted him. “And I have told you that there is no shame to your desires. Yet you still protest. Why?”

Ignatz hugged his arms again. “I...have never been with anyone. I have these— _feelings_ and thoughts but I don’t know how to act on them. I’m ashamed because I love you. My feelings for you are not just a physical need, but I cannot stop _thinking_ about the physical need! I-It doesn’t feel pure—”

“Why not?” 

Ignatz gaped at her and she shrugged. “Why is your desire to bed me not pure? Our desires are born from our love. We desire each other’s bodies because we feel love for each other. So how is our sexual desire not pure?”

Ignatz’s mouth hung open again as shame once again filled his body. _I...I never thought of this that way. I was just so focused on the disgust I felt for my urges. But—But I **didn’t** see her in this way until after I fell in love with her. Is...Maybe she’s right..._

“Come with me,” Petra beckoned him. “We march tomorrow. Come lay with me. Let us share our love with our bodies.”

Ignatz felt faint from her words. He knew he had to be blushing hard. “B...”

Petra’s expression hardened. “You still deny me after I told you I want you? When I told you I have no disgust for you for your desires?”

”P-Petra,” he said softly, raising his hands. “I...told you that I don’t know how to—”

”I have no experiences either. We shall learn together, shall we not? You want me, yes?”

”I—”

”Good evening,” came a voice behind Petra. They both turned to see Yuri Leclerc walk past them towards the Dining Hall, Bernadetta von Varley slung over his shoulder. Bernadetta made a noise, as though she wanted to say something to them, but her voice clipped off as Yuri began climbing the stairs.

“You love me,” Petra said. “You have desires for all of me. I tell you for the last that it is okay. Act on your desires for me. I want the same.”

His body temperature had gradually risen, and now sweat clung to him again. Ignatz looked her over again, his heartbeat in his ears. _I’ve told her everything. She wants me, too. Oh Goddess help me..._

”I’m...afraid,” he said quietly. “I’m afraid of what I feel. I-It isn’t like me. I—”

Petra lunged at him. Before Ignatz could react her arms were around his neck and her mouth slammed over his. He didn’t expect this, and he stumbled backwards until he slammed into the stone rail of the landing. His eyes were wide and his arms flailed slightly as she pressed her tongue into his mouth and kissed him hard and thorough. When she sucked on his mouth he felt a delightful jolt straight to his knees, and he leaned against the rail as she clung to him. Slowly, his eyes slid closed and he slid his arms around her middle as he melted under her lips.

He couldn’t ignore the heat or tightness in his body. He couldn’t ignore the whispers over his mind of his desire to make love to her. His heart thudded only slightly in discomfort, but her mouth was coaxing against his. Her hands stroked his shoulders and his neck with comforting caresses. As though to say, _It’s okay to want me. Let this happen._

He _wanted_ it to happen. Maybe he wasn’t perverse for wanting her so much. It was a new and scary feeling, and he had felt unclean—but was it really unclean?

_She feels the same way for me. She’s not unclean. If Petra can feel these same desires...then what I feel then is not wrong? It’s not a corruption of my feelings?_

Petra broke the kiss but didn’t didn’t pull away. Their foreheads touched and their eyes remained closed as they gasped for breath. Ignatz let her go though and cupped her cheeks. “I love you,” he whispered.

”I love you, too.” Petra pressed her mouth against his briefly again before pulling away. “You want to make love to me, yes?”

”...Yes,” he confessed. “I...I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

”Come with me,” she said again. She slid her hand down his arm and took his hand gently. “Please. Do not be afraid. There is no wrong in this.”

”...I know.” Ignatz slowly opened his eyes and met her gaze. “I think I...I think I’m starting to understand that.”

Petra raised his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Let us go. I want to join with you.”

Ignatz flushed again. He still felt the embarrassment, but her reassurances had a calming effect on him. It made him feel better about the feelings that had plagued him for the last few moons. “I want that, too,” he mumbled. He looked away. “I...apologize in advance though if I don’t do this properly.”

”It is my first, too. We shall learn together.” Petra held onto his hand and took one step backwards. Then again. Ignatz didn’t fight her as she gently pulled him along. She seemed satisfied that he wasn’t going to run away from her and turned around. With a gentle squeeze of his hand, she directed him to follow her.

As they approached Petra’s room they both stopped in their tracks when the doors to the room before Petra’s opened. Dorothea Arnault breezed out of her room, but before she could closed the doors she saw them and smiled. “Oh, good evening. Yurikins caused quite a racket with Bern, didn’t he?”

”H-He carried her to the Dining Hall,” Ignatz stammered, not knowing what else to say. He suddenly felt self-conscious at someone catching them like this.

“We are in urgency,” Petra said, her tone unashamed. Ignatz was relieved at her confident and he felt her hand squeeze his in reassurance. He looked back at Dorothea and noticed that she was scrutinizing them closely. He watched her look between them and Petra’s door, and Ignatz felt his face grow hotter as he saw the realization dawn on her face. She quickly and uncharacteristically became flustered, and she closed the doors of her room too fast and they unexpectedly slammed shut.

“I-I,” Dorothea sputtered, blushing slightly. “I’m...going to go to the Sauna.” She turned and ran in the direction of the Sauna. With her departure Petra began moving again and Ignatz followed her.

_I’m still amazed that she wants to be with me like this. I would have thought she would wait until marriage before doing anything...physical like this._

He had been inside Petra’s room a few times before, and like before when he saw her animal fur carpet he quickly kicked off his shoes so that he didn’t walk on it with shoes. There was an odd sense of comfort at feeling his feet sink into the soft fur as Petra released his hand and pulled her hair loose. Ignatz turned away from her as he unclasped his cloak and slid it off his shoulders. He draped it over her desk chair because he didn’t know where else to put. Then he turned to face her. “P—” His breath caught in his throat.

In just a few short seconds Petra had shed her clothes. When he turned to face her she was unfastening her skirt and tossed it aside. She straightened her posture and stood before him, revealing her full naked body. Ignatz’s heart was pounding so hard that his vision rattled as he looked her over. She was truly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had traces of body hair on her, but that took nothing away from her sensual appeal. She was curvaceous, perfect...he gulped as he realized he was gaping and her met her gaze. Despite her confidence she had a blush on her cheeks as she slowly stroked her hands down her sides. He impulsively reached for her, but caught himself at the last moment.

”Here.” Petra closed the distance between them, holding his gaze as she grasped his wrists. “Do not hesitate. Touch me as you feel you want to.”

He was still wearing his gloves but they were fingerless. So when she directed his hands to cup her breasts he could feel her soft skin. “Like before,” she whispered, pressing her body against his. “You have desire to touch me like this, yes?”

”Yes,” he admitted, his tone above a whisper. He started to pull one hand away but she held him fast. “Follow your desires,” she encouraged him.

”N-No, it’s not like that,” Ignatz said, shaking his head. “I-I was just...I was going to take off my glasses before we go further.”

But Petra shook her head and leaned her face close to his. “Leave the lenses on, please. Your dangerous eyes will be on me. The lenses will shield your eyes from me.”

”It’s not—”

”The lenses will also keep your focus on me,” Petra continued. “I want you to see all of me. You need the glasses for that.”

”A-Ah, that’s a good point.” Ignatz slowly nodded. “I will keep my glasses on.”

The air felt thick and hot. She guided his hands to cup and squeeze her, not unlike he had unconsciously done so before as they kissed. With her body pressed against him he could feel her nudity as easily as he could see it, and he felt the uncomfortably sharp ache in his groin. Her hands slipped around him and pressed them harder and closer together, and he was acutely aware of how his hardened length pressed against her stomach through his pants. 

_Oh Goddess I...I’ve never felt anything this like. It feels so good but uncomfortable. Is it the same for_ her?

Petra’s hands were on his belt, and she let it fall to the floor when she finished unfastening it. Ignatz broke the kiss to awkwardly help her remove his clothes. His gloves, his over-shirt, undershirt. When his chest was exposed she bent her head to kiss his skin, her lips like soft caresses that made him shiver. He arched his head briefly before he pushed on her shoulders and bent his own head down, brushing aside the strands of her to kiss her breasts. _Yes, finally, I’ve longed for this._ He sucked on her skin a little too hard, and he blushed again when he saw the ring of his mouth on her skin. _I ignored it, but I want this so much. She said that I shouldn’t feel ashamed...I’m embarrassed but this feels so good. I can’t believe I tried to deny myself this..._

Petra sighed softly as he licked and sucked at her skin, and her hands continued to tug on his clothes. She removed the shawl wrapped around his waist, and fumbled with his waistband. He felt her yank down slightly on his pants, taking his small clothes down just as slightly, but she jerked slightly when he sucked one of her nipples into his mouth. “Haa...” she abandoned her task of undressing him and slowly slid her hands up his bare back. She cupped his shoulder blades and he felt her arch her body against his. It was new, still very new to him, but he was making her feel good and the knowledge of this made his pulse spike.

_I love you and I want you. I don’t want anyone else..._

Petra cupped his face and turned his head up. She kissed him hard against and he reciprocated eagerly. His body was so hot that his remaining clothes clung to his body, and without a thought he swiftly pushed his pants down. He somehow was able to keep kissing her as he yanked his pants and socks off. When he straightened his posture he was as naked as her as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Petra rubbed her hands down his sides until they reached his hips and she broke the kiss. “Come to my bed,” she whispered over his mouth. “Let us learn our bodies.”

Ignatz nodded. “R-Right...”

In the bed they lay side by side facing each other, hands stroking and testing each other’s bodies as their lips moved together, brushing against each other’s cheeks and necks. “Mmm,” Ignatz grunted softly when she ran her tongue along the strip of muscle in his neck. Petra responded by sucking hard on the muscle, and Ignatz moaned loudly as his body shuddered. He touched her upper neck, unconsciously tracing her back tattoo, and she leaned up to breathe into his ear, “I want your lips to touch all of my tattoos.”

Ignatz looked at her, and he gasped softly when he saw her wicked smile. Her expression was beautiful, and made him feel...incredible. No one had ever looked at him like that before, like he was a man deserving of desire and coveting. “I...want that too,” he responded. “Ah...where are they?”

Petra’s brow slightly in response. “Your eyes have power. You can find them.”

Ignatz did. He found the tattoos that marked her body and kissed each one. At first it was awkward touches, but the more he kissed differently parts of her body the bolder he became. He traced the different sizes and shapes with his fingers, but then was unable to help himself from following his fingers with his tongue. Slow swipes that didn’t feel sensual to Ignatz, but Petra’s body twitched under his touch and she arched up to the contact. “Mmm...hmmm...”

The contact with each tattoo made him more comfortable with touching her body. Petra herself already seemed comfortable with touching him; raking her fingernails gently over his skin, causing goosebumps to rise. Rubbing his nipples and startling Ignatz with how good it felt. Ignatz leaned up to kiss her, the contact slow and sensual like the touches of their fingers.

Then his fingers dipped between her legs, and Petra jolted violently. “I-I’m sorry,” Ignatz said immediately the fugue of their desire dissipating.

”Don’t stop,” she quickly responded, grabbing his wrist to hold his hand still. “I want your touch. Let me...” He jolted as well when her hand enclosed around his penis. “Is this familiar to you?”

”...Not really,” Ignatz confessed. “I...I’ve tried it, but not very often because I found it embarrassing...Have you?” Mortification filled his body the minute the question left his mouth and he quickly shook his head. “I-I meant—!”

“I have,” Petra said, her tone reassuring. Ignatz stared at her and she shrugged. “Rather, I tried myself but did not—ah, satisfy myself. We shall change that and satisfy each other though.”

Their lips met and they stroked their fingers against their deepest parts. Since neither of them were experienced with doing this, either with themselves or with other people, it was several long moments of rubbing fingers and soft kisses as they tested to see the best way to make each other feel good. When she squeezed and stroked him in a certain way, Ignatz choked as bright patches filled his vision. His hips twitched from her motion and she repeated it. His toes curled at the unexpected pulse of pleasure that hummed through his body. He kissed her and rubbed her harder, trying to pleasure her the same way. When his fingertips reached the top of her groin she gasped softly. _Here?_ He didn’t say it out loud but repeated the motion. She cried out softly, eyes squeezing shut as she pressed against his hand. Now that they found the right way to touch each other, they panted and groaned as their feelings intensified. Their foreheads pressed together and Ignatz felt a pleasant, pleasurable heat begin to flood to his lower body. Before he could say anything, he noticed Petra’s breathing quicken and she arched against his motions. Elated, he pushed her hand away from him and focused on bringing her to the brink. He rubbed her so fast that his arm shook, and he used his free hand to cup her breast. After a moment he bent down to take the nipple into his mouth again. “AAH!” Petra trembled violently, and he breathed harshly through his nose as he felt her release slick his fingers.

Ignatz was startled when she shoved his shoulders and he was lying flat on his back. Petra straddled him and kissed him hard, grabbing his erection in her hand and quickly pumping him in her fist. “Guh!” He arched his head back and she kissed his neck again. He gasped and panted as pleasure pulsed and hummed through every inch of his body. “P...Petra,” he groaned, the sound a desperate whine. He wanted to rock his hips to the motions of her hand until he released, but he grabbed her wrist to still her hand. “I...It will make a mess,” he whispered, though his body screamed for release.

Petra smiled at him. “Then...it is time?” Ignatz stared at her for a long moment before he slowly nodded. “I...I’m ready.”

”You are certain?”

Doubt and shamed pulsed in his heart briefly, but when he saw the love and adoration for him in her gaze the ugly emotions melted away. _I need to stop. This isn’t dirty or depraved. I love her and she loves me. This is lovemaking, not a disgusting act._

”I’m certain,” he said finally.

Petra nodded, and adjusted her grip on him as she shifted herself onto her knees. Unable to help himself he reached up and rubbed his hands over her breasts as she angled herself and pressed his tip against her. “I...believe it is here,” she said.

Ignatz kept his eyes on her face as his heart pounded in his body. He—He could feel her body. He felt her relax and open for him, ready to accept him. She shifted her hips, and then pressed down. Ignatz felt his body tremble at the tight sensation began to surround him. He puffed out his breaths loudly and his knees shook, but he didn’t miss the pain and discomfort in her face. “Are you okay?” He whispered.

Petra nodded, as though not trusting her voice, and rocked her hips lower. She hissed quietly in as he was pushed further into her body. Ignatz wasn’t experienced with sex but he had heard that a woman’s first time could be painful. He felt the contact of a soft wall and he stiffened as he broke through. He kept his eyes on her eyes, rubbing his hands over her body to both comfort her and to make her feel good. But he almost forgot how to breathe. Her body felt so tight around him, but never in his life had he felt so physically... _complete_. He met her gaze as she settled over him fully, her brow knitted slightly. “A...Are you sure that you’re okay?” He asked. His tone was breathless.

Petra nodded. “I am well.” She took his hands and placed them on her naked torso. “I have bliss to finally be joined with you, Ignatz.”

Ignatz found himself smiling, and he stroked her skin. “I’m happy, too.”

”I will move,” Petra said, her tone quiet. “Though I am not certain how.“ Her brow furrowed slightly as she shifted her hips on him, Ignatz gasped softly as he felt the stimulations of her movements. “That pleases you?” She asked him.

Ignatz nodded. “I-It feels good.”

Petra experimentally rocked her hips forwards and backwards, her motions not quite creating a sliding rhythm but still moving each other together. Ignatz felt each twitch of her inner muscles, and the way her body pulsed made his knees tremble. He bent them upwards so that her back was to them, and he shuddered as he looked down her beautiful body. He slid his hands up to cup her breasts and she returned the gesture, sliding her hands up his torso and planting her hands on his chest. The momentum of her caresses caused her body to arch forward over him, and Ignatz choked when her next forward rock buried him deeper into her body. “O-Oh Goddess,” he panted, quickly grabbing her hips as his toes curled. 

Petra was not unaffected by the movement either. “Haaa...” her eyes rolled back and her fingers dug into his chest. She gulped loudly as she opened her eyes to meet his gaze. “There,” she whispered.

He nodded in confirmation and she began to move again, seeking to mimic the same motion again. Sometimes it happened and sometimes it didn’t, but Ignatz’s body felt like it was on fire. The friction of their bodies moving together, the rocking of her hips sliding him in and out of her was so intense— _too_ intense. The pulses of hot pleasure vibrating from his groin shook his body. “Huh...Ahh...Uhn...” Ignatz closed his eyes and arched his head, his hands pulling on her hips hard. He felt like he was drowning; sinking into the abyss of carnal pleasure and he couldn’t get enough. His hips twitched upwards to meet her movements, and they both moaned as their bodies found the perfect rhythm.

He felt the pooling heat that shook his knees again. It felt so good that he couldn’t think past the desire for further stimulation. He leaned his head back forward, only to find Petra leaning closer to him. Their lips met in a deep kiss, and she sucked hard on his mouth as her hips snapped over him. “Ooh,” he groaned hard against her mouth as the pleasure mounted higher and higher. He’d never felt anything so—so _incredibly good_ in his entire life. His mouth hung open and he squeezed her backside hard, desperate to savor the feeling of her body, but he couldn’t hold on. “AHH!” He shouted, the rush of pleasure shaking his body as he found his release. Her muscles clenched around him, prolonging the sensations.

Ignatz collapsed against the bed, panting loudly as he relaxed his hands on her. He opened his eyes and saw Petra panting and shaking still on top of him. Then realization dawned on him and he gasped in horror. _O-Oh no! I released inside her body!_

”Oh Goddess, I’m so sorry,” he sputtered, sitting up slightly. He met her gaze. “I-I didn’t mean to do that!”

Petra however smiled at him and stroked his cheek comfortingly. “Be at peace. I am not upset.”

”B-But I—” he felt heat on his face and he looked down between their bodies where they were still joined. “I-I wasn’t careful! I may have gotten you pregnant!” _This is awful! She’s a future Queen, and now I’ve compromised her!_

Petra leaned in close to him and kissed him again. The brush of her mouth felt like a comforting caress. Ignatz’s heart was still pounding but once again he melted under her mouth. “Mmm...” he slid his hands up her back and over her shoulders. Her own arms slid around his shoulders and pulled him in closer. The beat of his heart changed ever so slightly from the emotional intensity of their physical affection. Ignatz wasn’t quite used to expressing himself in ways that didn’t involve his artwork or clumsy words, but he could sense Petra’s patience with him now and it made him feel better.

_But..._

Ignatz broke the kiss and gently shifted away so that their eyes met. “A...Are you okay with that?” He asked her.

Petra was still smiling. “My heart is filled with love and wonder. I want to share my body with no man but you, and I want to have no child but yours.”

Ignatz winced. “I do apologize for that.”

”If you have apologies, then you can—ah, make it up to me.”

”’Make it up’...” Ignatz trailed off slowly as he stared at her. After a moment he realized what she meant and his eyes. “Y-You—Oh no, I didn’t—” he gasped throatily as she shifted in his lap, and he realized that their bodies were still joined. He looked back up at her, feeling awkward. “I...” he looked away briefly. “I-I think you were...too much for me,” he offered lamely.

”I appreciate your compliment,” Petra said, and leaned in to press kisses into the side of his neck. Ignatz shuddered, pressing a hand to the small of her back while his other hand braced on her bed. He could feel his arousal climb once again while still engulfed by her heat. Her natural sensuality was intoxicating, and he craved more of her.

_We have both come apart separately. I want to reach my peak with her now._

Ignatz used his hands then to cup her breasts, pushing up on them while his head bent over them. Petra made a shift noise and arched her head as he kissed and rubbed her breasts. He could taste the sweat on her skin but there was also a sweetness that made him groan. Despite their mutual inexperience, their desire and love heightened their confidence in making each other feel good. “Ah!” Petra shuddered and cried out when he enveloped one of her nipples and the surrounding flesh in his mouth, and Ignatz felt himself twitch inside her with her positive responses. He embraced her then and rolled them so that he was on top of her now, his mouth unpausing in kisses and sucking.

”Mmm. Hrmm...” Petra raked her fingers through his hair, her breathing coming out of sharp and hard through her nose. Ignatz felt his glasses slipping down his own nose, and was startled when Petra pushed them back up with her finger. “See me with your dangerous eyes,” she panted quietly when he met her gaze. A smile on her lips. “Use your—Heroes Relic to see me.”

Ignatz knew the lenses were smudged, but he was moved that she wanted to make sure he could still see her. “I love you,” he said quietly, rubbing her nipples with both thumbs.

Petra gasped softly, cupping his face and pulling him up for a kiss. “I love you, too. Let’s show our love with our bodies again.” Ignatz shivered at the reminder of still being buried inside her, and he kissed her deeply as her legs locked tight around his middle back.

Now that he was leading with the motions, Ignatz could see why it took a moment for them to find the right rhythm with Petra leading. He tried to rock his hips but he couldn’t feel any of the sensations they had felt before. Petra said nothing, but he could tell by her breathing that she was unaffected too. _O-Oh Goddess, this is embarrassing. I’m not doing this right! M...Maybe I can move better if I get up on my knees..._

He cautiously did this, bending his knees and tucking them underneath her and tried to move again. He gasped as he felt the familiar sliding friction of their bodies vibrate around him and sending delicious jolts up and down his spine. _There...There it is._

Their arms were wrapped around each other’s shoulders and they clung to each other as he began to move with more confidence, the motions gentle and slow. He pressed down his hips with one thrust and Petra shuddered, gasping softly into his ear, and Ignatz’s pulse jumped as he realized they found the right rhythm again. “Ahh,” she said quietly, burying one hand in his hair and using the other to stroke up and down his back and she lifted her hips to meet each plunge into her tight body. Ignatz turned his head and their lips met, their groans smothered by each other’s mouth as their motions picked.

”Haa!” Ignatz broke the kiss and rose up over her, thrusting harder as his arousal climbed. Her mattress squeaked and bed shook with their motions but they didn’t care. The sparks of pleasure were filling his body with a greater intensity than before, but he forced his eyes open to look down at her. “I—Am I—do you feel good?” He grunted out.

Petra’s eyes opened partially to look at him. “I have—Ah!” Her body suddenly jerked up, and she grabbed his hip with one. “P-Please,” she panted, squeezing her eyes shut. “I have great—ooh, do not stop!”

Ignatz knew what she meant and felt relief that she wouldn’t be denied this time. “Like this?” He asked uncertainly, and he pressed his pelvis over hers as he snapped in and out of body.

Petra didn’t need to tell him yes. Her fingernails dug into his skin and her thighs trembled around his body as her head arched back into the pillow. “AAH! Haaaa—!” Ignatz felt her clench him hard, and the wet heat that flooded over him made him choked as the fire-heat of release suddenly filled his body at seeing her climax. “I’m—!” Unable to stop himself, he buried deep into her body as the pressure burst again, and pleasure flooded his body as he met his release once more. He fell on top of her, his body shivering and whining, desperate breaths were muffled by her pillow as his hips continued to twitch against her. Petra kept her legs locked around him, flexing and squeezing encouragingly in the aftershocks, hands stroking his back and then down over his thighs.

Ignatz’s eyes were closed, but his glasses felt uncomfortable squished between his face and the pillow so he took them off. Petra took his glasses from him, and she pressed gentle kisses into his neck again. Ignatz turned towards her again and they kissed lazily but lovingly, their fingers reaching up to stroke each other’s cheeks.

”That was not so, ah, ordeal, was it?” She breathed against his cheek.

Ignatz laughed softly and kissed her again. “No. It wasn’t an ordeal. It was...” he shook his head and opened his eyes to look at her. “I-I’m sorry that my embarrassment hurt our relationship like that. B-But as you—” he turned his head away. “I was unfamiliar with what to do.”

”I feel incredible,” Petra told him in a reassuring tone. Ignatz looked back at her and saw her smile. Her expression was exquisite; cheeks rosy and complexion glowing. “I am greatly pleased to be filled with love for you.”

”I love you, too.” Ignatz rose up slightly and their bodies separated. He looked down at himself and paused for a moment before wincing. “Ah...”

Petra looked down as well, and he saw the blush on her cheeks turn darker. “Ah...that should be expected,” she said quietly. “I was given warning that I would...bleed when my maidenhead was taken.”

”I-I remember my mother warning me about this,” Ignatz said. He looked at her. “Allow me to hel—”

”In a moment.” Petra leaned up to kiss him again. “I was parted from you for a few moons. I would like more of you before we part again.”

Ignatz swallowed thickly, and pulled her against him in a tight hug. “I won’t leave you. I swear it.”

”That is good, because I want to share myself with no man but you. I want to give love to no man but you. I want to carry no man’s child but you.”

Ignatz was still moved by the strength of her conviction, and he cupped her face in his hands as he leaned back to look at her. “I’m the same. You are the only woman I want. Everything of me is yours.”

Petra smiled again, but he saw the wicked glint in her eyes when she stretched out on her back and pulled him down on top of her. “I will not forget that.”

* * *

”Raphael, are you sure you don’t know where Ignatz is?”

”No! I can’t imagine him going to bed anywhere else!”

Ignatz woke when he heard his name come from the courtyard. When he opened his eyes he smiled as he realized he was spooning with Petra, who was still fast asleep. They were facing the wall. He closed his eyes, and a for a moment he gently squeezed her in his arms. _We’re here together. She wasn’t disgusted with my desire—and in fact she felt desire for me too! We are truly together now!_ _I can’t believe this actually happened!_

”I might need to start knocking on doors to see if anyone knows where Ignatz is. Maybe Lysithea knows?”

Ignatz felt a jolt as he recognized this voice. He pushed back the covers and scrambled out of bed. He heard Petra stir behind him but he quickly threw on his pants and undershirt before rushing to the doors of her room. He opened the door and stuck his head out. “ _Claude_?!”

Claude von Riegan stood in the courtyard directly in front of him, Raphael at his side. Both of them were staring at Ignatz wide-eyed and mouths hanging open. Ignatz flushed and quickly exited the room, closing the door behind him. “W...What are you doing here, Claude? When did you arrive?”

”...Isn’t that Petra’s room?” Claude asked slowly, not answering his question. “Or did you guys switch rooms?”

”Not that I’m aware of,” Raphael said, also sounding confused. “Ignatz, what are you doing in Petra’s room? Did you switch rooms? If you did, then where’s Petra? Your old room was empty!”

His blunt questions in his usual booming voice made Ignatz feel more self-conscious and the heat on his face rose. “Uh...I...Um...”

The door behind Ignatz opened, and he turned around and gasped as Petra emerged, looking completely nonchalant. She had one of her animal furs wrapped around her, but it was very clear that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Ignatz, is everything well? You departed so...fast.”

Ignatz gaped at Petra for a moment of silence. She stared back at him with an unembarrassed but concerned expression. “...I—”

”Ignatz, you sly dog!” Ignatz was suddenly seized from behind as Claude gave him a half-hug, half-headlock embrace. “You got with Petra?! You seduced a _princess_?! I’m so proud of you! I mean it’s not the goddess, but a princess is still pretty good!”

Ignatz wanted to sink into the ground and fade away. He struggled in Claude’s arms. “Claude, stop! Don’t talk about Petra like—”

” _I_ was the one who gave Ignatz seduction,” Petra said feelingly, glaring at Claude.

”Whoa, sorry Your Highness.” Claude let Ignatz go. “But seriously, I’m happy for the both of you. I-I mean, I _hope_ that you—”

”My child has Ignatz fathering him,” Petra confirmed. “And it would please me to have no other fathers but him.”

Ignatz made a strangled noise, but Claude barked out a laugh as he slapped Ignatz on the back. “You’re _pregnant_ too, Petra?! Wow, there is a lot to celebrate! But tsk tsk, Ignatz! Bedding a woman and making her pregnant before marriage? I never thought you the type! Man, if I see _Lorenz_ with a woman then I know the sky is falling!”

”W-W-We actually don’t know—” Ignatz tried feebly.

”I’m confused,” Raphael said suddenly behind them. “If Petra’s having your kid, then why did you run away from her yesterday Ignatz?”

”Raphael, _please_!” Ignatz shouted, turning around to face him.

”Claude!” This other familiar voice got everyone’s attention, and Ignatz looked to his right and gaped as he saw Hilda Valentine Goneril running towards them, Lysithea and Marianne von Edmund following behind her. Lysithea was dressed in her Grimory uniform and Marianne in her Holy Knight uniform. “Claude, Marianne and I got Lysithea! Leonie wasn’t in her ro—” she then saw Ignatz and Petra and she stopped dead in her tracks. Lysithea nearly ran into her, and when she saw Ignatz and Petra her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. Ignatz was particularly mortified to see Marianne’s entire face turn red and and pressed both of her hands over her mouth in shock.

”Give me pardons,” Petra said, still looking relaxed despite being nearly naked in front of a group of people. “I will put some clothes on.” She moved forward and cupped Ignatz’s cheek to give him a quick kiss on the mouth. For a moment he forgot his mortification and melted under her lips before she moved away and retreated back into her room.

”Uhhhhhh,” Hilda said after a long pause. “Did—I just see what I thought I saw?”

”It—I—” Ignatz sputtered.

”It’s exactly as you saw it,” Claude interrupted, jumping back into the courtyard. He looked between all of them and nodded. “Okay, so we just need Leonie and Lorenz.”

Ignatz was painfully aware that everyone was still staring at him and hopped down into the courtyard, gingerly avoiding the bushes. “Um...what’s going on, Claude?”

”We have a new mission,” Claude said. “Everyone, make sure you have your gear and head to the Greenhouse. I’ll give the briefing there.”

”A new mission, eh?” Raphael boomed, cracking his neck.

”Hilda said something very odd about this,” Lysithea said, finally looking away from Ignatz. “What is this really about, Claude? And why are you only gathering former students of the Golden Deer House?”

”Oh, Lysithea! I can always count on you to ask all of the important questions!” Claude rubbed her hair affectionately. “But I will explain everything once everyone is together!”

”Claude, don’t treat me like a child!” Lysithea shouted, slapping his hand away.

The door to the right of Petra’s room opened, and a sleepy and grumpy-looking Linhardt von Hevring emerged rubbing at his eyes. “It is awfully noisy out here. Why not have some consideration for those who are sleepy?” He said this around a yawn as he descended the stairs. Ignatz thought that his face looked slightly puffy.

”You needed to wake up anyway for the siege,” Claude pointed out amusedly.

Linhardt seemed to come awake abruptly and stared blankly at Claude. “Oh. What brings you here?”

“Linhardt, should you be up right now?” Lysithea asked, rushing over to him. “Didn’t Professor Manuela—”

”Well, I can breathe now and I got a full night’s sleep. But why are all of you standing around out here?”

“I’m...going back to my room,” Ignatz said quickly, turning away from them and running towards his room. He was still feeling mortified. _My Silver Bow and other supplies are in my room. Thank the Goddess I got Lorrain ready yesterday. I’m curious as to what Claude and Hilda are doing here, but—oh Goddess, I am so unbelievably embarrassed!_

He burst into his room and quickly packed any remaining potions he had into his saddle bags. He started to hoist his full quiver over his shoulder until he realized that he hadn’t put on his armor. He abruptly dropped the quiver on the floor and first grabbed his cuirass, but paused as he looked down at himself. _...Wait. I’m missing some of my clothes._

There was a gentle knock at his door. Still feeling slightly stressed, Ignatz tossed his armor onto his bed and quickly opened his door. “Claude, could you please—”

”You have, ah, placed these behind in my room.”

Ignatz immediately relaxed when he saw Petra standing there, thankfully clothed in her Dancer’s outfit. He saw the rest of his clothing tucked under her arm and motioned her inside. “Thank you. And I—apologize for embarrassing you earlier,” he added, blushing.

Petra shrugged, looking confused. “I was not embarrassed. I only spoke truth.”

Ignatz smiled at her. “I-In that case, here.” He hurried over to his desk and picked up the ring he’d left there. “I h-had wanted to give this to you—” his voice cut off as Petra slid between him and the desk and kissed him again. Just the gentle touch of her lips against his made his knees go weak again and he melted against her. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her body where she wanted them to go and slid up onto his desk as she wrapped her arms around him.

_I never knew that kissing could feel this wonderful. This almost seems like a romance novel...or a fantasy._

Ignatz reluctantly broke the kiss as she tried to coax him to press his body against hers. “W...We should stop,” he whispered. “We have to go soon.”

”You are correct,” Petra said, but she sounded disappointed as she let him go. She looked down at his hand. “That is a Fódlan ring, yes?”

”M-My grandmother’s engagement ring,” Ignatz clarified, feeling heat on his face once more. He saw her eyes go wide and he quickly continued. “M-My older brother got my paternal grandmother’s engagement ring and I got my maternal grandmother’s engagement ring. The stone is a peridot.” He realized that he was stalling and grabbed her left hand. He pressed an awkward kiss to her ring finger. “Ah...I...” he quickly looked at her again. “Would you marry me?”

”That question is silly,” Petra answered. “You have my love and body. And I have your love and body. And I have your child. I only want the man who has my love and body, and who gave me this child. I will of course have marriage with you.”

”Petra, I was panicking when I mentioned pregnancy. We don’t know if—”

She leaned up close, her mouth almost touching his again. “The next heir of Brigid will be your child. You are pleased, yes?”

Ignatz flushed again. It still felt surreal to him that he, the second son of a commoner merchant, had fallen so deeply in love with a future Queen. And that this same future Queen loved him back. _I wonder what my parents and brother will say when I tell him I’ve given Grandmother’s engagement ring to a princess. If they believe me at all..._

”I have never felt so happy in my life,” he said out loud. He slid the ring onto her finger, but winced when he saw it hang loose. “Ah, I apologize. I will make sure to have it refitted for you.”

”I will guard it as I will guard our child,” Petra said firmly.

”Petra—”

”And you must guard yourself for the battle ahead.” She cupped her chin and turned him to look at her. “We will live.”

”We will live,” Ignatz agreed, nodding. “But for now we should get ready. I need to find out what business Claude has here.”

”He has said you will go...ah, elsewhere.”

”Elsewhere?” Ignatz shrugged on his coat. “Did he say where?”

Petra’s brow knitted slightly. “He gave a name that I did not recognize. It sounded like...Sha—amm—bala.”

”Shaammbala?” Ignatz made a face in confusion. “I’ve never heard of the place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I named Ignatz’s horse Lorrain after historical landscape painter Claude Lorrain. I chose this name because his work is absolutely beautiful. That, and his first name was Claude, LOL. My favorite painting of his is The Enchanted Castle.


End file.
